Having ourselves a swell old time getting’ “published. ” What if I told you you could increase your productivity 50% WITHOUT INCREASING YOUR WORKLOAD even 1%? ? ? This means that instead of writing 2 “must-have” eBooks each day, you would write 3. In the course of one year, that means you could produce over 1, 200 MUST-HAVE eBooks! ! . Let’s say you give 1/3 of them away for free. That still leaves you a profit of over $15, 000 if you sell ONLY ONE COPY OF EACH OF THE OTHERS at the RIDICULOUSLY LOW PRICE of $19. 95! ! ! If you sell just ONE of each ONCE a day……well……. that’d be a lot more, I bet.
FANTASTIC! you fantasize. REMARKABLE! you remark. UNBELIEVABLE! yet, you believe.
It’s true: revealed here for the first time, and probably the only time knowing MY editors, THE MOST AMAZING SYSTEM EVER FOR SQUEEZING MORE NEAR-PROFIT OUT OF THE DAY! ! !
A little background/tease: While researching the works of Robert Crumb, I came across a barely- known treatise on the time-space continuum by some wild-haired silver-mustachioed dude who spent his final years on earth wandering the commons area at Princeton University, speaking in a foreign accent and suffering his flatulence not in silence. This gentleman, whose name I forget, had some whack-o ideas about physics, and energy, and the universe and junk……All pretty useless stuff, except that it made me nod off, during which time I made my fantastic discovery:
I call it……………“sleep. ”
Incredible as it sounds, for 6 to 8 hours each day our bodies go thru a cycle during which most animated activity is minimized. (More, if you work at Prudential and are involved with “Quality Committees. ”) This is ideal THINKING time, because except for breathing, some scratching, and mumbling a few names better left mumbled, your brain is pretty unoccupied. A GREAT time for knockin’ out another eBook.
“But Bob”, you say, addressing me by my first name, though we haven’t been properly introduced and with luck won’t be, “anything I wrote while I was asleep wouldn’t be worth the bytes it’s SAVED with. And probably not very……original. ”
Yes……true……. but no LESS than the two you’re banging out during the WAKE cycle. You see, eBooks aren’t about quality……they’re about quantity. In the old days, there used to be these people called EDITORS. And they were in charge of BUDGETS. And some eco-types were wrapping themselves around TREES. So to get published, you had to already be somebody, know somebody, impress somebody, or buy your own tree.
Today’s treElessBook environment has opened the monitor to HUNDREDS of wonderful authors who wouldn’t have made it past those old fart Editors (very good thing)…. . and THOUSANDS of people, like you and me, who have no business writing a book in the first place. Much less a second place. Much less three a day.
Because I preceded the online revolution----indeed, preceded the 16 bit machine---the word “book” still conjures up certain “quality”. I’ve been wrong MANY times in my conjurement of how good it was, but at least I knew there were some old fart Editors who’d been equally conned. There was some comfort in that.
Books had other funny qualties back then: they weren’t all priced at $19. 95. It VARIED. They weren’t given out for FREE to advertise something, or make you buy into a marketing scheme-atic. They weren’t bundled with trial software, or other eBooks; they weren’t offered on a money-back-if-you’re-not satisfied basis. Hell, if that had been the case, my library today would contain NO James Joyce. Or Pynchon. Or Milton. [Come to think of it, there’d be precious little in it except Herriman, Waterson, and Lee. ]
I await the day---or maybe I just haven’t found the existing site, yet---where you can go to the eBook “library”, “walk” the aisle, “peruse” the shelves, “drag down” a copy and “flick thru” a few pages before deciding to download. If this sounds like nirvana to you, you need to hug a tree yourself.
THE END
Wait. Oh yeah, the “sleep” thing. Print yourself out a copy of any old eBook on internet marketing. Find a comfortable spot. You WILL fall asleep. While asleep, your body will begin a purge process, during which most of what you read will be regurgitated in nonsensical, non sequitur syllables. Keep a tape recorder by your bed. Or, if you’re married, couch. Listen to the tape the following morning, and transcribe. The psychE babble, combined with three dozen undigested Twizzlers, and pound of cat hair you inhaled while resting, should have given you plenty of material. The title is up to you. Spend you time THERE. After all, its certain to be all anyone will ever read. Certainly about all that’s original. And certainly as good as everybody else’s. . . . . .
Wordcount: 912
©RWPladek http://mydeas.com
Bob Pladek has been in big business, little business, and a couple inbetween. A lawyer with acquisition, marketing, PR and basic life experience, he is a published humorist, cartoonist and folk singer. He lives with his wife of 25 years, two smart daughters, and too many animals.
